Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
