Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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