saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
