i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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