omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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