im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am one with the molecules
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
