he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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