he puts the penis in happiness.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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