i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Text me some of your sweat
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
