if only i could text you this smell
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
