my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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