Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
