last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
