i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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