I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
