we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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