We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
