so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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