are you still at the devil's house?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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