I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
