We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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