Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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