A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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