Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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