I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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