I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize