woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
