Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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