I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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