Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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