haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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