I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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