You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
