I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
