Don't make out with my wife yet
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
