They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
