Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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