You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
