we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
