i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
