I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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