____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
