non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
