i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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