every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
