She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
