I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
