And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
