ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
