If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
