If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
