Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
