I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
