i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
