Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
