so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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