So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
