I'm retarded. Again.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....