i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.