just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.