you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.