i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.