he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
