Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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