Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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