We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
