So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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