so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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