11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
