well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My life is pants optional.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
