so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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