Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
