I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
